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Monday, May 11, 2015

Enjoy The Silence.

Words like violence
Break the silence
Come crashing in
Into my little world
Painful to me
Pierce right through me

-Depeche Mode 1990 [Violator Album]

While I love Depeche Mode and their songs, I'm not sure that I would fully agree on this one.

This past Tuesday marked a full week since I last spoke any words.  7 days of "enjoying the silence".  Wait a minute!  That would mean the silence of not hearing my own voice. In this case, I think that actually may be OK.  For those of you who know me and have talked with me know that my voice has not been what it should be.  I have been dealing with voice issues for almost 2 years now.  Raspy, hoarse, soft spoken and at times very very difficult to understand or hear me.  "What's wrong with your voice?" I would be asked every time.  I felt that I should answer by explaining what the problem was which always caused more questions and would always lead to lengthen the discussion with more questions.  I always started off with "I have a paralyzed vocal cord" and went into the details from there.  But, after awhile, I learned it was just much easier to say "I have laryngitis" and leave it at that.  So much easier indeed. 

What does one do for vocal cord paralysis?  Well, I went through voice therapy in an effort to strengthen the working vocal cord.  While I enjoyed reading pages and pages of words and performing facial and laryngeal massages daily, it really wasn't providing very much positive difference.  The only other options were Botox injections every six months or surgery to place a Gortex implant, both in the non-working vocal cord.  Hmmm... Neither really sounded like options that I wanted to decide to do but I knew that I had to do something.  However, I decided in November 2014 to go the more permanent route with the implant.

You are probably asking yourself at this point, "what the heck does this have to do with running?".  Well, I had a big decision to make.  Do I go forward with the surgery in December knowing that the recovery time was going to be six weeks.  Six weeks of missed marathon training.  Six weeks of not being part of the Miles for Miracles team.  The alternative was to postpone the surgery until after the marathon was over.  Postpone it was.  Fast-forward to one week and one day after the marathon.  I had the implant surgery.  It kind of freaked me out a bit before I went in though because silly me watched a video of the procedure a couple of days before the procedure.  I know, why the heck would I do that?  I don't know, I jus had to.  At least I knew what to expect.  Fast-forward another week (to this past Tuesday).  The first time that I was allowed to speak in a week.  What an incredible transformation that happened with my voice.  I was standing in front of the mirror in the bathroom thinking "Should I speak?"  I hadn't gotten the doctor's OK.  Heck I was going there in a couple of hours so I did it.  What to say?  What would my first words be?  Well, it wasn't that exciting.  "Hi, how's  it going?".  Seriously, that was the best thing that I could think of?  Sounded like a cheap pick-up line.  I cannot believe that those were the words that were uttered from my lips.  Those were the words though, whether good or bad.  It really didn't matter though because it was just amazing to hear my voice again.  But, to hear it loud and clear.  While it didn't sound like me because of swelling and muscles which needed to be trained to be used again correctly, it was something.  Something in the right direction.  I went to my follow-up that day and was cleared for limited talking and running.  Yes,  I could run again.  I ran that night.  Boy did it feel good.  Good to get back to activity that helps to clear my mind and makes me feel energized and alive.  It was also good to get back to taking pictures along my run to be later posted to Instagram too.  Yes, I stopped way too many times for snaps but I had to make up for lost time.  The picture here was one of them.  Sorry, had to include at least one!

Would I do it all again knowing what I know now?  Absolutely.  It has been such an incredible experience to effortlessly talk again and to have people be able to hear/understand me again.  It is incredible that my doctor was able to fix this with a simple piece of Gortex and that he was able to factor in my breathing for when I run.  It was such an amazing experience to complete my full training and run the Boston Marathon as part of the Boston Children's Hospital Miles for Miracles team.  I have to go back to listening to my Depeche Mode play list.  Don't ask...

Until next time, keep on runnin'!

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